Running

It has been a while since I put some thoughts into writing... well, except for journaling a little here and there. The last few days have gotten me thinking about why I have felt empty inside. I guess I get busy... well, let me explain and maybe you can relate.

It's just that I sometimes get so busy running from here to there that I sometimes find myself lonely. Run to the store. Run home. Run to therapy. Run to Little Gym. Run to the library and to the cleaners and the bank. Run here.. run there... and I am in the car with my 8 year old and it just sometimes hits me that I have not made one effort to call a friend or pray for someone that I love or spend enough time in God's word and I find myself lonely and sometimes empty inside.

Don't get me wrong. I am an on-the-go-stay-at-home-mom. I enjoy getting out and going places. When I stay home too long I just get bored. Of course laundry HAS to be done and the bathroom can't be dirty forever so I have to stay home some, but mainly I like to go, go, go. Thing is.. I get into my own world and I forget that there are people that I need to spend time with. They give me perspective. They make me think and they make me laugh.

Just today in my quiet time God reminded me that there is a time for everything! Ecclesiastes 3 tells us that "there is a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh...." I sometimes get too caught up in what I am doing and I don't take the time to reach out to others. There needs to be a time for that.

God also reminded me that He is always here. I KNOW! I should know that!! But it's just that I sometimes get into this "why have you moved away from me?" whiney mode. He didn't move!!! I did!! I moved so much by running here and there that I have not lingered in His word. I have not spent time really praying. YES! I pray and I have a quiet time, but it's not the same as when I really listen and pray and dig!!

Anyway, God used today to help me regain some perspective. I really needed it and I really need to listen more. Linger more. You know.... stop running so much in my mind and body that I miss His blessing through His word and through others. How about you?

Summer Fun

We have been too busy to blog and here's proof! Not that you need it because I know that you are just as busy and just as crazy as we are, but I will share anyway!! :)

Just after school was out we had a little spring dance recital.. and when I say little I mean "little"! As in 3 little girls in their little tutu's doing 2 little dances and it lasted 30 little minutes. Little.

But little is fine with me and her daddy! We enjoyed our 30 minute show instead of the typical 5 hour one where you watch everyone else and their sister dance until yours gets to come on stage for 5 minutes. I'm just sayin'... it was nice.

Were they EVER doing the same thing at the same time? I think not. It was cute though.. and we are all about some cuteness!!

Next we got a major hair cut! (and we are ALWAYS holding the kitty. ALWAYS. Wears me and the cat completely out!)

Then we about killed ourselves VBS week, but it was awesome and she made some steps towards being a Christian!! WOO!! HOO!!

Here's our girl singing on the BOOMERANG EXPRESS!

Then we've played... seen friends... played... swam... played... cleaned house... grocery shopped... played some more and been a little lazy.

Here she is with our friends' kids (and my hyperlink has stopped working! nice.) at the 4th of July....

Basically, since school is out it has been all about entertaining the kid. Can't tell can you? Hopefully daddy and I will get some fun time too... I need to plan that! :)

Hope your summer is great!

Testify!

 

GOD IS WORKING!! Let me tell you how I know!!

Last night I had the honor of joining forces with a few like hearted people at my church and we had the opportunity to tell the leaders of our church about our special needs ministry. Some of them were aware that we are seeking to expand our ministry as we seek to reach those with disabilities, but others were not even aware that we existed! It was such an awesome sight to see their interest piqued as we described the students and families that take part in this ministry each week. Several people came up afterwards and just really encouraged us. They are planning to help spread the word by announcing our ministry in each Sunday school class and by supporting our efforts to do a wheel chair wash and other outreach ideas!

 

I can not tell you how excited I am!! Usually those with special needs are sort of under the radar. Parents are not always eager to share that they are struggling with a child with disabilities or people are just afraid to approach the subject out of fear of hurting feelings, etc. The fact, however,  that more than 80% of the special needs population is unchurched can not go unnoticed. The church as a whole has traditionally done very little to reach out to this population, but that is beginning to change!! PRAISE THE LORD!!

Luke 14:12-14 says "When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous."

I just had testify to God's goodness and His mercy! He has blessed me and my family immensely with a supportive family and home! We have friends that love us unconditionally and they love our child, who can be a little overbearing at times! We could be in much worse shape had He not put our girl with the teachers and professionals that He has. This is my opportunity to give back to His body, the church, by caring for and loving on those families who face a difficult road every single day, and He is opening the doors!!! PRAISE HIM! He is worthy of all praise! I just lift my hands in awe of His willingness to show Himself faithful on behalf of these special kids and adults!

A Birthday Surprise!

This past Monday was my girl's 8th birthday! I have been so busy with VBS and other things that I have not had a chance to blog about my special girl. She is growing SOO much and I am so proud of the progress she is making!

She is on some meds that have really seemed to help her calm down some and she is just maturing right now... as a matter of fact she is in her room reading to herself as I type! Just growing and settling down is such a praise because it has been a long time coming.

Well, she did turn 8 on June 1st so we met my family for lunch on Sunday the day before the big day.

Here she is with my brother, Tommy....

He really doesn't know what to do with her...it's hilarious! We give him assignments like walking her to the women's bathroom and standing outside to wait on her. He just looks at us like "really!?"  Hee hee! Oh! It's good for him. He's so shy and he's single and he needs a challenge.

Here she is with my dad... telling secrets....

Dad is loving every minute of it!!

AND here she is with Mimi... possibly her favorite person on earth...

Why is Mimi her favorite? Well, she gives her every stinkin' thing the kids wants that's why! And she protects her from me! That mommy that, you know, makes her behave and such!! Yes, it can be quite the battle.

SOOOOO as we were approaching the big day Caroline started saying that she wanted a kitty or a puppy for her birthday. That's no big surprise because she has been saying that for a loooong time. But we have no fence and we didn't want a little dog and my husband wasn't real keen on the cat idea... until....

One afternoon we were doing yard work and the neighbor up the street came walking towards us with this precious little kitten. They said that they had found it and that they were looking for a home for it. My husband did the typical "husband rolling his eyes at the cute kitten" thing but then I reminded him that this kitten would be FREE and it was so totally sweet and cute as a button. I also reminded him that my dad manages a pet store and that we could probably get the things that we needed from him for CHEAP (like FREE!).

Wouldn't you know it? My dad was thrilled to help us and we were to see them the next day for lunch! PERFECT!

My husband thought and thought and decided that it might be good for our girl to learn to love and care for something other than herself so we decided to take it!!

We walked to the house on the afternoon of her birthday and brought this sweet baby home...

At the time we thought she was a girl, but after a visit to the vet today we found out that HE is a boy!! HA! Good thing we named him Pepper!! :)

Here he is after his first bath! He was so smelly and dirty that I didn't have a choice but to bathe him and he did pretty well. He hid from us on our deck while he dried.

Caroline loves  holding him and he has really been very good!!

He hasn't cried at night and he has been very mild mannered and loving. And we found out that he is very healthy to have been a stray kitten!! YAY!

During the day on her actual birthday we took our little neighbor with us to lunch and to Monkey Joe's to play!

They had a great time playing and running around!

We also went to dinner with my husband's family and she got some good loot! She also had a cake with the number 8 on top... at her request! 

That's a lovely picture of us in front of the bar area with all of the liquor surrounding us isn't it? We know how to celebrate an 8 year old birthday right!! :)

I would say this kid had the best birthday a girl could ask for! Dinner with both sets of grandparents, loot galore and a kitty to top it off! Not sure how we will celebrate 9 years, but I am pretty sure we won't out do ourselves!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAROLINE! I love you honey!

Well...

We have been out of school for a week. Yes. Our little private school decided to let out while it was still cold outside for summer. Does anyone know why? Me either.

So we have had one solid week of sleeping in past o-dark-thirty and we have had a few days of just hanging out. Not being on a schedule has been nice. However...

So far I have heard 376 questions about what we are doing next, 147 requests to be on the computer, 789 requests to watch tv and 1,989 requests for more food and 25 questions about why the other kids in our neighborhood are still catching the bus.

Oh. My. Word. I may not live.

I have to say. I have also cleaned out closets and drawers, worked in the yard and made returns of items that have ridden around in my car for ever because I have not had time to stop due to working (some) teaching Bible study and running my little darling hither and yon.

We have had lots of quality time together. We have read books, done some math and reading exercises and we've been to lunch. We have been to dinner with friends, to church activities and we have done puzzles in the playroom... after we sorted the 5 different puzzles that she mixed on the table in the playroom causing it to be very difficult for her to understand why the pieces weren't fitting. Yep. Quality.

We have also had some smart mouthed, eye rollin', spankin' earnin' disobedience that my husband calls "sinning against God in all manner of ways!" (He sounds like Andy Griffith when he talks like that).

One day we just kept saying..."Keep it up. You are working towards a spankin!" Until the next morning when she got up and (while lying on the floor in her Sunday dress mind you) started spoutin' off ... "WHERE'S MY BREAKFAST!?" Oh girlfriend!! Bless her heart... it's all I am gonna say.

Ah yes. Summer time. 15 weeks of it. We have had 7 days off and 5 of the 7 have been rainy days. LORD PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON ME!

When LIfe Gets Hard

Sometimes I would like to just run away and HIDE!

Wouldn't you?

Sometimes when there are a million things to do, the house is a mess and your family is in disarray it is truly overwhelming and makes me think..."wonder where I could HIDE so no one will find me? Wouldn't it be nice to just disappear for a few days?"

Unfortunately, it's not always an option to just check out. No matter how hard life gets and no matter how much I would like to RUN as hard as I can in another direction that isn't what God has called me to. AND while vacations are fun and relaxing they do come to an end and reality is still back at home waiting for me.

Well, I have figured it out. I have to hide in the shadows.

The people of Israel were being defiant against Jesus. They were unsettled and in turmoil about Him. They were killing Christians and not living the way that God desired for them to live. Jesus said, "how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing! Look, your house is left to you desolate." Luke 13:34b-35a

Perhaps I do not live in TOTAL defiance against Jesus. I am still a sinner.

Perhaps I do not kill other Christians. I do not always live the way that God desires for me to live.

BUT I do know this. To be gathered under His wings of protection and love is where I want to WILLINGLY go!

I know that I am going to mess up. It's true that sometimes when I am overwhelmed it's because I have over scheduled myself and it's my own fault. It's not fair to take it out on my husband or my daughter when my house is a wreck when I know that I have not made the time to do my job! (Yes, it's their job to help, but ultimately my role is to care for my home... and I WANT to!)

And I know it is true that others bring stresses into my life. Others are not going to always accomodate me and make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I am not always going to agree with everyone and that can be unsettling sometimes. I can't run from it... it's not in my nature to just allow things to go unsaid or feelings to just hurt when something can be resolved. And yet those situations truly make me WANT to just run and hide.

I want to be a little girl that runs and hides in the shadows of her Daddy's legs and find comfort for a while. I want Him to whisper that He's still in control and that I need not worry because He's taking care of me. I want Him to say "that old world is defeated so you just don't worry my darling child." I am learning to run to Him and rest at His feet. And I can hear those words if I take the time to open HIS!

Psalm 17:8 "Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings."

Psalm 16:1 "Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge."

Psalm 16:8 "I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand I will not be shaken."

It would be so nice to disappear for a while, but what beauty He brings when we rest beneath Him. Watching Him work. Waiting on Him and trusting His promises. It's not easy to rest sometimes. It's not easy to wait. It's not easy to stay calm in the trials that come our way. But I know that He loves me. And I know that He's working. And I love my Daddy.

Psalm 51:10 "Create in me a pure heart O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me."

Here's What I Want to Say

I love Jesus. I love Him and I want to live for Him and be changed by Him every day of my life. I do not want to be changed just one time and then let that be my only encounter. I want to encounter Him every day.. ok.. every minute of every day.. for the rest of my life.

I want to know His love. I want to know His freedom. I want to know His forgiveness.

I want to know Him.

I do not want to be satisfied with who I am and I do not want to be complacent to live like I have this life figured out. I do not.

His willingness to even look my way amazes me. Why He would want to spend time with me or fighting for me is too much to get my mind around.

How can He be so patient? How can He show so much grace when I mess up so many times? How does He love me like this?

How can He take His Word and use it to transform my mind and heart into something that I no longer recognize? And then when I forget His word... when I struggle to spend time with Him... when I treat His promises with flippant attitudes and lack of respect He STILL chooses to have mercy on me and meet with me when I decide to come back.

How?

I want to be more like Him.

I want to have such love for others that they may not understand.

I want to have peace that calms every part of anxiousness within me.

I want to have joy... joy that is deeply rooted in who I am and not in my circumstances.

I want to extend grace and patience when it seems that there is none left within me.

I long to be kind. Not just kind to strangers, but kind to my family and kind to those who are not use to someone being kind to them.

I need to be gentle. Gentle with others. Gentle with my husband. Gentle with my child. Gentle without an ounce of judgment.

I want more of Him and less of me. I am tired of me. I am tired of my foolish choices and my lack of control and my restless heart. I am tired of the attitude and the thoughts of being better than someone else. HOW am I better than ANYone? I am not.

I remember when I told the Lord that it was me and Him. I was alone with no family around and no friends to speak of. It was sweet fellowship. A sweet time of total dependence on Him and Him alone. I want that again. No, I don't want to do away with my friends and family, but I WANT that total dependence again.  I want that full abandon, total dependence, total trust, total ME AND JESUS time to come back and be a normal part of who I am. Not a season. A LIFETIME of me and Jesus.

People are people. They try, but they are human. Circumstances are ever fickle and uncertain.

Only Jesus is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. I can not continue to live thinking that any person or any circumstance will fill me. They will not. They cannot and it's unfair to expect them to.

Only Jesus. He is the only one that protects, loves, forgives and holds all things together perfectly. I want to know Him more and more everyday. I do not want to stop this pursuit of Him. Ever. Not ever.