He knew that I would face feelings of awkwardness… unworthiness… when I walked into His house yesterday and so He met me there, and He spoke, like I was the only one there on the pew, in His presence, at His feet.
He drew me to worship in complete surrender. In His unrelenting love He reminded me to let everyone just fade away. Let every feeling and thought just meld into Him, and He would provide for my every need. My every awkward and insecure need.
He knew that I would face a trial that left me feeling lonely and like no one would understand. He placed the right person, at the right time, with the right words in my path to make me realize that He is already there.
The trial is only for a moment, but He is eternal and He knew that all I needed was a reminder. He used an unsuspecting and gentle soul to bring comfort as I walk this road with Him. Such peace. Unwavering peace.
He knew that I would feel inadequate to do what He has asked of me. Another step of obedience that scares me to death? He knew my questions before I asked and He waited for me to come to Him, in desperation, no less, seeking answers that only He could give.
He knew I could not do it on my own, and He knew that I would eventually come with tears after I attempted to do just that. He never flinched. He heard my cries and reminded me that in HIS strength, and His alone, would I ever be able to accomplish His tasks.
Today He knew, from the time that I woke up, that I would struggle with feeling less than secure and so He met me at our usual spot to remind me that it is all going to be ok.
He knew that I would need to hear that He is enough for today, and that my insecurities and are nothing when He takes this day into His mighty hands and molds it into what it needs to be for His glory.
Having a relationship with God does not mean that we never struggle with less than pretty feelings. What it DOES mean is that we have a place to take those feelings… in all of their ugliness… and we can hand them to the KING OF KINGS and the LORD OF LORDS and we don’t have to hold them by ourselves.
How will we ever teach our children that He is who He says He is if we don’t believe it ourselves? Every teen I’ve ever known has struggled with every feeling that I have recently felt, and unless I live it how will my OWN teen-to-be learn it?
If I have a breakdown at every turn of the page and every disappointment, how will my child ever learn that HE is WHO HE says HE IS!? How will she ever trust God if I don’t show her how? How will every situation not be an emergency and how will she know that He TRULY holds all things together if I am not living it?
How will the world know that He’s alive in us if we don’t show them that we are real people with real struggles who loves a real God who really loves them back?
He knew from the beginning of time that we’d struggle even in this, and yet in His infinite wisdom He allowed us to live this life anyway.
He knew we couldn’t do it on our own.
He knows we can’t face tomorrow, and what it holds, without Him.
He knew we’d be desperate.
He knew He’d die for all of it.