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Friday, July 16, 2010

One Thing's For Certain

I do know one thing for certain...that is that there's NOTHING for certain.

Just this week I received an e-mail from Caroline's special ed teacher that she would be leaving our school to serve at another school that is closer to her home. She was totally precious and eager to even meet with us to tell Caroline herself if I thought that was necessary. Her concern for us as she leaves is just so sweet and I obviously want what is best for her and her family, but it leaves me scratching my head.

I prayed. " REALLY, GOD!? We prayed and prayed about our decision to move Caroline from private to public school last year and it has been the hardest thing that we have had to do lately. This lady was really good to Caroline. I felt like You put her there and we are so grateful! She helped so much and we had her to go to as we tried to adjust and now You are taking her?"

Guess what He said. "Yes, child. Nothing is certain, but Me. Do you not think that I can provide someone even BETTER for Caroline? How about you obey me by trusting me and let ME do my job?"

Oh. Okay.

As I type this LeeAnn Womack is singing "I Hope You Dance" in the background. You know, I just want that for Caroline. I just want her to fly so high and be so successful that she can't help but to dance. When I pray and pray for things and they just seem to be HARDER instead of easier it just makes me frustrated and question God.

"Why do we have to go through ANOTHER adjustment?"
"Why are things not coming along for her like I hoped they would?"
"How will she cope with someone new along with a new 2nd grade teacher?"
The questions are never ending!

Thankfully God is big enough to hear my heart. He made me and I know that He can handle my questions and emotions and feelings. He also knows Caroline and He has a plan for her life. (Jer. 29:11) If I think about it long enough I do come to that realization and my anxious heart settles down again.

There are so many things that are uncertain. As I see my mom and dad aging it makes me begin to pray that He will prepare me for when they are no longer here. It seems like a sad thing to pray, I know, since they are pretty healthy and even still working, but my heart struggles so with the uncertainty, and no one knows how long we will live. Only God knows so I am having to trust that He will carry me when that time comes. I pray that I have them for many, many years to come, but I don't know that and my heart breaks to even think about such things.

Not long ago somone asked me how I can trust God so much. Thing is, I don't know what else to do.  I sometimes feel like I am just wandering around this earth just trying to make sense of it all.There are many days that I don't seem to trust at all, and then some how my heart comes back around. It's like He calls my heart back and somehow I just long to rest in Him and respond. If I didn't have Him to lean on, pray to and trust in I am pretty sure that I would be INSANE! The uncertanties of life sure can throw us some curve balls. Praise the Lord! He's in control!

2 comments:

Rebecca Jo said...

Amen sister... sometimes, that IS all we feel like we can do - is just truth & have faith... what else IS there to do, but that?

And yep, ultimately, we'll see God had it all in His hands & in control & a plan through every little thing, every big & little change...

Hold tight to that through the changes in your world... HUGS

Rebecca Jo said...

*is jut TRUST & have faith...

oops - grammer error! (Hate that!)