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Friday, October 17, 2008

It Started OUT Fun and End Fun, But the In Between?

Well, we started the week with a choir recording session two nights in a row (and that's really fun to me) lunch with friends and my mother-in-law spending time with my little one one afternoon. All of that was REALLY good and fun and all... then Wednesday afternoon came and it got a little hard for me.

I took Caroline to therapy and while we were there we discussed her school work (which was good for the most part. Math is killing her right now) and the inconsistencies that she's experiencing in behaviors from one day to another. I JUST asked if meds might need to come into play was all!! Then as they were doing some therapy on her stomach, Caroline's legs started this twitching thing that she has done since she was a baby. This was the first time that her OT had noticed it and it REALLY bothered her.

So, the possibilities of meds and the leg thing brought on ...."and maybe we just need to schedule an appointment with a neurologist."
My stomach sank.
It just made me so scared of what they might find and what we might have to go through with Caroline. It bothered me that she gets SO anxious about going to the doctor anyway, and then to add ANOTHER visit sometimes sends her over the edge.

Then there is the thought of ANOTHER way that I need to come to terms with the fact that my kid isn't normal. I know!! I know! Who knows what normal is??? Well, I can tell you what it isn't!! It ISN'T going to OT every other week. It isn't being pulled for help with school work 4 out of 5 days and it isn't going to be tested psychologically OR NEUROLOGICALLY!

She's so sweet, funny and smart in so many ways. She's improving and growing and doing pretty well, but this just made me sad!! I cried on the way home from OT and Thursday I was a wreck! I cried several times and each time I talked with family or friends it just brought on the water works! I just felt very scared, alone and tired of this never ending road.

SO today we had her fall party at school. She had such a good time! She played with her friends and my mom even came to help out. You gotta love it when your mom comes! I think it was God's way of saying, "I am here. It's ok. We will walk this road together."

Lord, THANK YOU for being with me through my sweet husband, family and friends. The hard times grow a little easier when You allow them to come along side me. I pray for Caroline, Lord. Help us to know how to teach her math. Help them to show us what is going on with her in more detail so that she might improve all around. Lord, You are in control! Help me to rest in that.

5 comments:

MiMi said...

Oh, Melissa, my heart was so touched as I read this post about our precious little Caroline. Just know that you have MANY friends that are right along side of you, making these hard times easier to bear.

I love what Matthew 6:34 in The Message says:

"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."

Praying for you and your family!

Faith said...

Melissa, I came across this and I am praying it for you...

"You whom I have taken from the ends of the earth, And called from the remotest parts, And said to you, "You are my servant, I have chosen you and not rejected you, Do not fear for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." For I am the Lord you God who upholds your right hand, who says to you, Do not fear, I will help you."
Isaiah 41: 9-10, 13

We are here for you, Steve and Caroline. We love you and are praying!!

Amy E. said...

Oh, honey, I'm behind on blog reading and didn't know this.
I have this stamp that says "Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." And that's the way it truly is for mamas. We just hurt for our children - for hurts in the past, the present, and the future. But, oh, how our joys are multiplied too.
I'm praying for you....please let me know how everything goes.
Love you,
Amy

Valarie said...

"For I know the plans I have for (Caroline) says the Lord"!!!

I know you know this, but sometimes it helps to hear it again! I love you sweet girl and I'm walking with you in this even if I can't physically be there!

V

ThreeGirlyGirls said...

Oh Girl, I'm so sorry that appointment went that way. I can't imagine how hard and frustrating and discouraging it can all be. Motherhood is overwhelming enough and add to it other concerns and it can be to much! I'm adding your sweet girl in my prayer journal and I will be praying for her!